Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
