Where is the hickey?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize