Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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