She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
