I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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