The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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