the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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