I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
