I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
