Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize