you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
