operation have a gay friend backfired
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I stole a fireplace last night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
