I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
