Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
