Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
