i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
