Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize