it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
