Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
