I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
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If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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