He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
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It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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