I wannas sexs uuuuu
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
