I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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