i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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