love makes seman taste better
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
