Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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