That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
