Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
