Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
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so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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