I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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