exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
