Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
