that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
