Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
