I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
