you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
