Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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