I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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