So drunk, too bad you don't want this
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
