I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
