She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
