nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
