She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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