I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the day after is always just damage control
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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