im drinking this country out of the recession.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
