I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just gargled with NyQuil
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
