I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
