I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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