sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
