Umm I'm too high to move.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
