is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i was born a porn star she said
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
