he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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