I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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