allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
