just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
