When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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