Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
