party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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