what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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