i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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