That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
