I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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