my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
