The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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