I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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