My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
