Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
