The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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