So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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