This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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