OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
