So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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