I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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